


Your son calls me Daddy too

by gwendee



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: And getting a boyfriend, And hanging out with said boyfriend, Comedy, Crack, Family Bonding, Father-Son Relationship, Fluff, Gakuhou has to deal with Gakushuu being a teenager, Gen, High School, Humor, M/M, Memes, Post-Canon, overprotective dad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-12
Updated: 2019-11-09
Packaged: 2020-03-01 14:42:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 12,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18802399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gwendee/pseuds/gwendee
Summary: Of all the things Gakuhou had anticipated and prepared for in parenthood, he certainly wasn't ready forthis.“You look sad,” Tamiko declares.“I’m not,” Gakuhou tells her. He stares resolutely at the empty space at the dinner table across him. He and Gakushuu don’t really talk during dinner, they hardly interact at all to be honest, each engrossed in their own gadgets and occasionally piping up with a snarky comment or an interesting bit of news (or “tea” as it is how apparently kids call it these days) and then slip back again into comfortable silence.This was not comfortable silence.Gakuhou doesn’t admit that he’s actually missing the damn kid. Isn’t it great to finally get some peace and quiet around the house?Why are the portions on the table so pathetically small? Right, because he’s eating for one now.Stop being dramatic. Gakushuu isn’t starving to death in some ditch. He’s just…...on a......date.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So has anyone watched 2016 American Comedy Film "Why Him?" yet?
> 
> Well, I haven't. But I did watch the trailer sometime ago and I just thought about it again so here it is: this fic. The Karma and Gakuhou saga that you all never asked for. It's high-time I started a new rom-com series for my favorite couple and let's pull in Dad! For the perspective we don't expect (that will be incredibly entertaining for you all to read and for me to write), it's Gakuhou Time.
> 
> To review, in case anyone is confused over the few OCs I will be bringing up (it's still mostly Gakuhou centered but I need a few people to laugh at him).
>
>> Tamiko and Husare are housekeepers/maids that they have, it's canon that the Asano's have one but I have two because one person gets lonely.   
> Jin is their driver.   
> Hachiho is their high school homeroom teacher (do Japan High Schools have homeroom?) and she'll probably be the teacher I mention the most.  
> They've all appeared as minor characters in some of my other fics (namely the more recent ones, Wordplay and Parenting, of sorts.   
> 

**Of all the things Gakuhou had anticipated and prepared for in parenthood, he certainly wasn't ready for _this_.**

The worst days of Gakuhou’s life thus far were as follows: the day he lost his wife, the day he lost Ikeda, and the day he backhanded his son in front of his class. This, he thinks miserably, might join the list.

“Hey pops,” says red devil-delinquent-problem child Karma Akabane, leaning against the doorway in a Nice Shirt and Nice Slacks and holding a rather ostentatious bouquet of seasonal blooms. “Is Gakushuu in?”

Karma Akabane addresses his son by his first name, Gakuhou registers distantly. He says eloquently, “huh?”

“Is Gakushuu in?” Akabane repeats, craning his neck to look around Gakuhou’s shoulder. Then beams, and waves at the approaching set of footsteps coming up from behind.

“Hi Karma,” Gakushuu greets, also wearing a Nice Shirt and Nice Pants and sweeping past Gakuhou with a air of giddiness that Gakuhou hopes was his imagination. “You’re here early.”

“Not about to keep you waiting,” Akabane flirts back, which, what? _What?_

The flowers, Gakuhou notes with a dismay, are (undeniably) for Gakushuu. His son has a soft smile on his face and a cute little blush as he sets the bouquet in a vase on the coffee table, and Gakuhou just gapes wordlessly as he redefines “floating on a cloud” just as Akabane bounces with anticipation.

The kids ignore him. Or, well, Akabane ignores him, seemingly having eyes for only one Asano; Gakushuu’s gaze briefly flicks to him with an amused twinkle in his eye but otherwise pretends he doesn’t exist, and they continue to playfully banter in the hallway and Gakuhou only barely manages to catch whatever they’re saying but hardly remembers any of it. The only thing running in his mind is white noise that's the equivalent of "????" and wondering when technology advanced so as to let people imitate the heart-eyes emoji so realistically in real life.

And then Gakushuu says, “bye dad, I won’t be back for dinner,” and Akabane says “see you, Mr Ex-Principal,” and Gakushuu laughs and hits him a little, and then they’re walking hand-in-hand out the gate and down the pavement to who-knows-where and Gakuhou is still reeling from shock.

What?

_What?!_

Gakuhou’s still staring at the offending vase on the coffee table when their housekeeper Tamiko returns from her shopping. She sets down the groceries by the doorway and makes a curious hum, and Gakuhou expects a variety of phrases including but not limited to “what is the occasion?”, “who got flowers?” and “they look very nice.”

What Gakuhou _doesn’t_ expect, (and note that he’s already braced for any unforeseen circumstances after witnessing the day’s prior occurrences,) is Tamiko saying “looks like Karma took my advice after all,” and Gakuhou says again, “What?!”

“Purple tulips,” Tamiko nods in approval, “very nice. Roses are classic, yes, but far too commonplace; red comes off a little strong, don’t you think? Ah, they match his eyes, good choice.”

“What are you talking about?” Gakuhou asks in desperate bafflement.

“Karma came by to ask me what Gakushuu’s favourite flowers are,” Tamiko says, nodding to herself as if it explains anything, “they are very cute, don’t you think?” And then she makes another happy noise and heads to the kitchen with her bags, whistling along the way, and now Gakuhou has even more questions than he started off with and no answers.

“Akabane Karma and Gakushuu?” says Hachiho over the line, “why do you ask?”

“Just curious,” Gakuhou grits out, glaring at the vase. He’d succumbed and dialed the number for Gakushuu’s homeroom teacher after their other housekeeper Husare returned and wrinkled her nose at the flowers with a “I would have gone with a darker purple, to be honest,” and Tamiko calls out from somewhere in the house, “but they match his eyes!” To which Husare replied, “Dark purple, Tamiko, is far classier,” and the women started a squabble.

“Surprisingly,” Hachiho says, “they are a very good influence on each other. Akabane has grown less rowdy and far mellower, and Gakushuu is much calmer and less stressed ever since they got together-”

“Excuse me?” Gakuhou chokes out, voice strangled.

“Oh, you didn’t call for me to gossip, how unprofessional of me,” Hachiho says, and Gakuhou was just about to correct that yes, he did call for said _gossip_ and _would she please continue_ , but she cuts him off, “I apologize, Mr Prin- ah, Asano, sorry, a force of habit you see. But the staff meeting is about to commence soon so I'll have to cut the call. Don’t be a stranger, you can always call or drop by for a chat!”

Gakuhou is left staring gobsmacked at his lock screen, a picture of his _very young_ and _very cute_ and _very absolutely pure and innocent and single_ son, holding a peace-sign to the camera with a gap-toothed grin. Granted, in that picture Gakushuu was aged approximately six, but still.

_But still._

“Oh,” says his driver, Jin, as he toes off his shoes and looks over at the floral arrangement adding an unnecessary pop of colour in the living room. “I see Akabane stopped by.”

Gakuhou was going to _kill someone._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again everyone, nice to hear from you all :D Gwen's back with more crack (don't take drugs kids). Give me your favorite memes to be featured in this fic  
> Looks like the chapters will be pretty short each time but hopefully that means more updates?

**I'm not ~~angry~~ sad, I'm just ~~disappointed~~ angry**

Gakuhou doesn’t kill anyone, not for the lack of trying.

“You look sad,” Tamiko declares.

“I’m not,” Gakuhou tells her. He stares resolutely at the empty space at the dinner table across him; he and Gakushuu don’t really  _ talk  _ during dinner, they hardly interact at all to be honest, each engrossed in their own gadgets and occasionally piping up with a snarky comment or an interesting bit of news (or “tea” as it is how apparently kids call it these days) and then slip back again into comfortable silence. 

This was not comfortable silence.

Gakuhou doesn’t admit that he’s actually  _ missing  _ the damn kid. Isn’t it great to finally get some peace and quiet around the house?

Why are the portions on the table so pathetically small? Right, because he’s eating for one now.

Stop being dramatic. Gakushuu isn’t starving to death in some ditch. He’s just…

...on a…

...date.

He chews his meat angrily and glares at his tablet and does not feel  _ sad  _ in the slightest because he’s  _ appreciating  _ the goddamn zen in this house without angsty teenagers complaining about how hideous the curtains were and how it was high time they “upgraded” their brand of coffee because the ones that Gakuhou drinks are “absolutely disgusting and not made for human consumption and I have assignments to complete,  _ dad  _ I can’t be living off tasteless gunk that’s as black as your soul.”

Whatever, Gakuhou thinks, good riddance. Peace and quiet. Finally.

With a very smug flourish, Tamiko sets a framed picture of Gakuhou’s lockscreen on the dining table.

“I’m not sad,” he repeats, as she giggles and ducks into the kitchen dining area no doubt to talk about “the tea” with Husare, in which he is most certain that said “tea” is about him, and his sadness.

He’s not sad.

“You’re not sad,” Tamiko tells him later, when she’s dusting a cabinet and he’s trying to watch the evening news with the stupid flowers being a colorful distraction at his periphery. Gakuhou is just about to agree with her and say yes, he’s not sad  _ thank you very much _ , when she says in a very canny tone that makes Gakuhou almost regret hiring her 15 odd years ago, “you’re  _ lonely. _ ”

“I am not!” Gakuhou says indignantly.

“You sound like your teenage son,” Tamiko teases. Then she goes off whistling to bother Husare about her new obsession about plants that bloom in the dark which makes Gakuhou’s garden look like a serene cemetery with pale ghost-flowers popping up whenever the sun sets. Gakuhou says “you missed a spot!” just to be petty like that, and Tamiko just laughs after him because she knows that she most definitely did not.

At 10.43pm Gakuhou deliberates sending out a search party. He’d voiced his concerns at 10.32 to which Husare said “he’s fine, he’s sixteen,” and Tamiko said, “you know my girls snuck into clubs when they were sixteen and came home drunk,” and Husare said, “you’re scaring him!” 

To which Gakuhou replied, “I’m not  _ scared _ .” And then crosses his arms and continues glaring at the flowers ruining the decor of the living room.

The flowers must really carry the weight of Gakushuu’s eyes, because they stare back just as boldly, completely undeterred by the force at which lesser flowers would probably already have wilted.

Then there’s a sound at the doorway sounding suspiciously like a pair of teenagers laughing, and Gakuhou almost gets whiplash spinning around to stare at the entrance to his house. The door opens way too slowly in his opinion and goddamn Akabane is there, but more importantly Gakushuu is there, and he’s  _ giggling. _

Gakuhou doesn’t know if his heart can take this. Because Gakushuu giggling is the most adorable fucking thing he has ever seen in his life which makes him nostalgic and how much he loves kids and  _ his kid _ , for that matter, but on the flipside it’s Akabane causing the giggling and Gakuhou has no clue how he feels about that, at all.

“Bye,” Gakushuu says, and Akabane says, “see you,” and then Gakushuu shuts the door on him, plucks the vase with the purple monstrosity sprouting out from it, then heads upstairs to his room.

“They grow up so fast, don’t they,” Husare sighs, from where she’s snacking obnoxiously in the dining area, and Gakuhou scowls. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think so far.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is that a weed?! I'm calling the police!
> 
> Don't do drugs, kids.

**911 what’s your emergency**

The thing is, Gakuhou isn’t stupid. He had known something was going on, sees his son laughing a little more at his phone and brightening up around the house and he’d chalked it off to one of the friends he hangs out with, the virtuosos, finally getting a sense of humor. Of course he didn’t expect that the reason for Gakushuu’s recent good mood was that he was dating fucking Akabane. Who expects that?

The third time Gakushuu glances at his phone and smiles, (which is a lot and really saying something if Gakuhou barely sees Gakushuu smile genuinely once on a good day and is now cracking three involuntary grins over the course of fifteen minutes,) Gakuhou explodes. “Are you texting Akabane?!”

Gakushuu doesn’t look up. “Uh-huh.”

“Give me his number,” Gakuhou demands.

“Nuh-uh.”

“I can find it out myself,” Gakuhou says.

This time, Gakushuu does looks up, unimpressed. “That’s a breach of personal data protection laws.”

“Like you don’t break the law,” Gakuhou counters lamely, and the eye-roll his son gives him is amused. He almost counts it as a victory until Gakushuu glances down at his phone again, and then smiles one more time.

Goddammit. 

In the end, Gakuhou does obtain Akabane’s number through very legal means, by which he means he grumbled about it until Tamiko’s annoyed enough to give it to him, in her words, because Gakuhou does not  _ grumble.  _

“Why do you even have his number?” Gakuhou accuses.

“Flower advice,” Tamiko says unhelpfully. She continues sweeping.

Gakuhou saves the number in his phone but he doesn’t contact Akabane or anything like that because that was just  _ weird _ . The option was there now, at the very least, just for emergencies.

He’s sitting on his couch and typing away on his laptop when his teenage son emerges from his room in another Nice Shirt and hair looking like he ran his fingers through them instead of an actual comb. “Where are you going?” Gakuhou demands.

“Out,” Gakushuu says. 

Gakuhou scowls. “Be back by 10.”

“The movie we’re watching ends at 10.30,” Gakushuu tells him. He heads to the kitchen and starts banging pots around. 

“Then be back by 11,” Gakuhou says, then, “if you’re watching a movie so late at night why the hell are you going out now?”

“We’re not _ just _ watching a movie,” Gakushuu sounds exasperated, and he emerges with a filled water bottle which he drops into his bag. “We do other things too. Like eat dinner.”

“It’s 4,” Gakuhou says.

“Maybe we do a couple more things than watch movies and eat dinner,” Gakushuu says, and Gakuhou’s brain annoyingly supplies him with “ _ couple  _ things.” And because it was his own goddamn fault he raised a snarky little shit, Gakushuu says, “have fun eating alone again, dad,” and then walks out the door.

This time, the table is already set with that stupid framed picture of Gakushuu’s cute face. Gakuhou glares at it.

He most definitely does not stew when eating dinner by himself or watching the news by himself and he’s not _sad_ or _lonely_ , Tamiko. And he’s perfectly fine watching the evening news without that purple vase popping up in his vision whenever he turns his head, (although now said vase is probably up in Gakushuu’s own room and Gakuhou doesn’t know if that’s worse or not,) and he definitely isn’t waiting outside for Gakushuu to come home.

It’s 11.01pm. Gakuhou’s calling the police.

“You are not calling the police,” Tamiko says.

11.02 now. “Give me my phone back,” Gakuhou snaps.

“My kids broke curfew all the time,” Tamiko says, hugging the device to her chest, “they weren’t dead. Most of the time they just lost track of time while drinking-”

“You’re not helping!” Husare hollers.

“I won’t call the police,” Gakuhou tries to reason, “I’ll call Akabane-”

“-you’re awFUL!” Interrupts a very delighted voice at his door, and loud laughter follows. Tamiko takes this chance and bolts, and Gakuhou stares unblinkingly at his son as Gakushuu waves to someone, shuts the door, and completely ignores Gakuhou as he practically skips up the stairs with a second bouquet of flowers in his hands.

God-fucking-dammit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How is everyone? How was this chapter?   
> Funny that some people mentioned Gakuhou being a tsundere in the comments, that's brought up again in chapter 4 HAHA.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't think of any meme-ish titles for this one.  
> And yes everyone, fast-updates is middle name. Along with another middle name I said I had but I don't quite remember which. HAHA anyways here is the next installment! Also short but here it is

**God is a woman**

“When did you and Akabane start dating?” Gakuhou asks one fine day during shared dinners, which he isn’t starting to appreciate more or  _ miss _ , Husare. 

“About two months ago,” Gakushuu answers dutifully, then takes a bite of his rice. It’s been two weeks since the purple tulips which means they started going out about a month and a half ago, which means, what? It’s been  _ that  _ long?

“How did you two get together?” Gakuhou asks, “who asked who out?”

Gakushuu gives him a knowing look but Gakuhou’s unphased because it’s perfectly normal for a parent to be a little nosy about their son’s love life, okay, especially when said son is dating  _ Karma fucking Akabane _ . Gakuhou almost expelled the kid two years ago. Absolutely normal for Gakuhou to be… a little concerned.

Gakushuu can take care of himself perfectly fine. He’s fit. He knows martial arts.

So does Akabane. Wasn’t the whole 3-E class  _ trained in assassination _ ?

Just gives a new meaning to making decisions that end up biting you back in the ass.

Or your offspring’s, for that matter.

Nope. Gakuhou wasn’t going to think about that.

Which is why he dies after having a mini-heart attack, when he comes home to see Akabane and Gakushuu cuddled on the couch with a gameshow playing on the television in the background. He dies and sees God (who looks eerily similar to his dead wife), God says “don’t be dramatic, Gakuhou, I think they’re cute,” Gakuhou fights God, lands in hell (that looks eerily similar to a wedding chapel with purple tulips everywhere and is that Gakushuu and Akabane on the aisle?!), and then is forcibly resurrected when Akabane says, “hi pops.”

“Don’t call me that,” Gakuhou forces out.

“You know,” Akabane says, “your son is a tsundere.” Gakuhou wonders if he missed out a whole conversation leading up to that, and Gakushuu most definitely doesn’t look like a tsundere now, curled up by Akabane’s side and laughing quietly into his chest. Then Akabane says, “does it run in the family?”

Gakushuu laughs, louder.

“Hands where I can see them,” Gakuhou snaps. 

Akabane raises both hands innocently, Then slowly slings one over the backrest of the couch, and the other over Gakushuu’s shoulders.

He’s sure Akabane is mocking him but Gakuhou can see the hands, so he lets it slide.

“Dad,” Gakushuu says peacefully, voice muffled from where he has his cheek pressed to Akabane’s shoulder, “go away.”

Gakuhou is offended. Chased away from his own couch in his own house by his own son, so some…  _ outsider  _ can sit on his couch in his house cozying up to  _ his son _ .

“PG-13 only,” Gakuhou warns, then stalks up to his office. Behind him he hears Akabane laugh and Gakushuu splutter with indignation. That kid deserves the embarrassment, he gets what’s coming to him.

And about five minutes later, settled in his swivel chair in his private office with his laptop open he thinks, did I just leave both of them downstairs alone? Then stalks back down with a purpose and his tablet and sits down on the loveseat adjacent from the couch.

Gakushuu lifts his head off Akabane and scowls. Gakuhou scowls back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _tsundere~_


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, I'm back!

**Spill the tea**

“NIce of you to call, Mr Asano,” Hachiho says, and there’s sounds of paper flipping in the background. “How have you been?”

“Good,” Gakuhou says, “how have you? Has the school fallen into ruin?”

“Of course not,” Hachiho laughs, “Gakushuu wouldn’t let that happen anyways. He’s making sure the school runs properly with all the student council work he’s doing. Fast tracking his way into another presidency!” 

Gakuhou knows that, but he still feels a sense of proprietorial pride. “That’s not what I called to discuss.”

“Oh?” There’s a curious lilt in her voice. “What is the matter?”

“My son,” Gakuhou says, wincing a little, “and Akabane.” 

Hachiho lets out what can only be described as a  _ squeal _ . Then, “sorry,” she says, “very unprofessional of me, I apologize. What did you want to know?”

Gakuhou awkwardly waves a hand that she can’t see. “Anything, I suppose.”

“Oh, well,” Hachiho thinks, “it wouldn’t say it was  _ that  _ much of a surprise when they started going out. I’d have to say that the staff were… well we brought it up once or twice, they are very strong academic rivals and their dynamic was rather… interesting.”

Hachiho goes on for a while and the only thing Gakuhou really learns is that one day Gakushuu and Akabane were spitting nails and engrossed in a two hour long debate on the breakdown of the themes in a novel for Literature; by the next day they came into class holding hands and Akabane had kissed his son on the lips.

So all in all, their relationship was as much of an enigma to the school staff as it was to him.

“Thanks, Hachiho,” Gakuhou says, feeling rather nonplussed.

Husare gave no further insight to the matter. “Well one day,” she says, “Akabane came down to our house and asked if I was the Asano’s caretaker. I said yes, and he told me something like, ‘my name is Karma Akabane and I am a friend and classmate of Gakushuu Asano, I wish to court him so could you tell me if he likes flowers and if yes, which kinds?’ Or he said woo instead of court, I don’t know. And you were at work, but Tamiko and Jin were home so I called them over, and we had a really pleasant chat And when Gakushuu came home we asked him about Karma, the boy started getting flustered and went into a rant the way you do! And that’s obvious that Gakushuu certainly likes Karma back, so we decided to help out.”

“Why don’t you just ask your son?” Jin tells him, when Gakuhou brings it up on the way to work.

“Gakushuu doesn’t tell me anything,” Gakuhou says.

“Gakushuu tells you a lot,” Jin says.

Gakuhou thinks. During dinner he asks, “what is the tea today?” and relishes the look of confusion on his son’s face as he examines his glass of water with a frown, and then the moment it clicks and he makes the face he always does whenever Gakuhou tries to use teenage internet slang.

“Nothing happened today,” Gakushuu says. See, Jin?

“I have tea,” Gakuhou says.

Gakushuu makes That Face again. “Really,” he says, skeptical.

Gakuhou nods. “The avocados are on sale today.”

That Face contorts into an expression not unlike despair. The simple joys of being a parent, Gakuhou muses. And he waits three seconds before Gakushuu says, very slowly, “that’s not tea.”

Gakuhou, who knows very much what the supposed definition of tea is, says, “yes it is.”

Gakushuu says, “you’re messing with me. You don’t grocery shop, you don’t know the sale price of an avocado. You don’t even know the normal price of an avocado.”

Gakuhou scoffs. “I mean it’s one banana, Gakushuu. What could it cost, 10 dollars?”

“Disown me,” Gakushuu says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you again tomorrow! I think? Having a little bit of writer's block now haha if you notice this chapter was posted a little later.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again!

**Dicks:** **Out** **Better Fucking Not Be**

“You don’t  _ drink  _ the tea,” Gakushuu says longsufferingly, as if he’s trying to explain calculus to a toddler the same way Gakuhou had tried to about ten years ago and he’s a little pissed that his son decided to date someone named  _ Karma  _ of all things, “you  _ spill  _ it.”

Gakuhou, baffled, says “why?”

“I don’t,” Gakushuu wrinkles his nose, “I don’t  _ know _ , it’s just what we say. Spill the tea. Like, let the cat out of the bag, spill the beans.”

“Beans,” Gakuhou says thoughtfully.  

Gakushuu snickers, then, “you were saying?”

“I was having a very interesting conversation with your teacher (“oh my god,” says Gakushuu) and she was telling me something about a literature paper.”

“It was to kill a mockingbird,” Gakushuu sighs. Gakuhou chooses not to comment on his elbows resting on the table; he must be getting soft. “And yeah, Karma and I had a debate about it.”

Gakuhou doesn’t say a word. He takes a sip of his tea.

Gakushuu eyes him warily. “We were just discussing about it, and then Karma said I looked pretty when I was mad.”

Gakuhou feels a smile tug at his lips, but he chooses to keep his face impassive. “Letting a stray compliment get to you? That’s very unlike you.”

“I know,” Gakushuu sighs, “and then we made out in an empty classroom for fifteen minutes.”

Gakuhou chokes a little. The expression on Gakushuu’s face is mischievous; Akabane must be a  _ terrible  _ influence on him. “By the way,” Gakushuu says, because he loves ruining his father’s life and sending him into an early grave, “Karma’s coming over later. We’re going to just do homework in my room, so don’t freak out.”

Gakuhou freaks out. 

“Is it too early to knock?” Gakuhou wonders aloud, and Tamiko snickers at him. 

“It’s been five minutes, boss,” Husare says. She smacks at the floor by his feet with a mop, and Gakuhou scowls at her but lifts his feet obligingly. 

“They’ll be fine,” Tamiko says. “Whenever my girls had their boyfriends over, they never did anything when i was in the house with them. They always waited until I was out-”

“You’re not helping,” Husare interrupts.

Gakuhou gets to his feet. “I’m going to knock.” He ignores Husare’s ‘no!’ and Gakuhou knocks twice because he’s polite, and he opens the door. Gakushuu, sitting on his bed with a textbook with his ankles crossed and a highlighter sticking out of his mouth, scowls at him, as much as someone could scowl with a highlighter sticking out of their mouths. Akabane is next to him with another book, and a pen behind his ear. He grins.

“Hi pops,” says Akabane. He raises both his hands and waves.

Gakuhou stares. “You two look comfy.”

Gakushuu pops the highlighter cap back on. “Go away, dad,” he says.

They stare for a moment, Akabane’s glee growing evidently in his periphery, and finally Gakuhou says, “pants on at all times.”

Gakushuu turns red. “Dad! Get out!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not very happy with this chapter, refer to aforementioned writer's block. I might edit it later but if I don't get it out I probably never will.   
> Quick question: do you guys think they're being to OOC in this whole fic?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How is everyone? I'm so curious, where in the world do you all live?

**Distracted** Boyfriend

Sakakibara comes over. Gakuhou doesn’t quite like Sakakibara but he’s the most tolerable of his son’s weird friends, and the reason Gakuhou found out Gakushuu liked boys. Nobody became friends with Sakakibara because they liked his  _ personality _ , no matter what Gakushuu tried to deny.

Back to the point. Sakakibara was in his living room and his son was not, and there was the sound of running water from one of the showers.

Sakakibara immediately straightens up when he sees Gakuhou. “Hi Mr Principal,” he blurts on reflex, then winces.

“Sakakibara,” Gakuhou greets. Sakakibara is sufficiently intimidated by him which makes him a prime target for questioning so he says, “tell me about Gakushuu and Akabane.”

Sakakibara lets out an undignified squawk. “G-g-gakushuu? And Akabane? They are very… good. Very, uhm, nice.” 

Gakuhou scowls at him. He waits one beat, two, then Sakakibara says in one breath, “they are good for each other, well, I’m not saying I necessarily  _ approve  _ but I don’t disapprove, and it was a very… unexpected decision by both of them that no one really saw happening but they are very good for each other, they make each other happy, you should see them in school- no, wait, uhm, you should give them a chance. Even if it seems… completely… strange.”

“Are you bothering Ren?” Gakushuu says, padding into the living room fresh out of a shower. “Ren, don’t be intimidated, just ignore him; he’s completely harmless.”

Sakakibara, wisely, chooses not to say anything.

Much later, Gakushuu proclaims he has a date to prepare for and leaves Sakakibara sitting dejectedly in the living room as he goes to get changed. Sakakibara watches him with some sort of wistful look that gets Gakuhou thinking, then he says, “I may not be the person he spends the most time with anymore, but I’m still his best friend, and I’m happy for him.” 

Gakuhou shoots him a look. 

Gakushuu comes down in Nice Clothes. Gakuhou squints at his Nice Pants and say, “those better stay on the entire date.”

Sakakibara splutters. Gakushuu says, “great idea, I’ll just piss in my underwear. Ren, I’ll walk you out.”

When he gets back that night, Gakushuu has another bouquet of blooms and-

“Is that a ring?!” Gakuhou says hysterically.

Gakushuu gives him an incredulous look. “It’s a ring pop.”

“On your five month anniversary nonetheless,” Gakuhou sighs in despair, “It’s  _ symbolic _ , it doesn’t matter if it’s a piece of candy or a diamond. But  _ a ring _ ! I absolutely don’t-”

The ring pop hits him on the nose, or would have hit him on the nose, but Gakuhou catches it. Gakushuu says, “it’s a. Ring. Pop. God, Karma was right.”

“About what?” Gakuhou demands.

“That you’ll go ballistic over this,” Gakushuu mutters, “you just cost your son a hundred bucks. How do you feel about that?” 

Gakuhou looks down at the candy in his hands, then at Gakushuu’s pink tinted face, then says, “it shouldn’t matter if you two get married because then you’ll have shared assets-”

The flowers actually do hit his nose, because Gakuhou’s too busy examining the ring pop to catch them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What if I do an a/b/o fic? HAHAHHA


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, sigh.

**It’s free real estate**

“No,” Gakuhou says, the moment he opens the door.

Akabane blinks at him in confusion. “Huh?”

“No,” Gakuhou clarifies, “your proposal. I’m saying no on Gakushuu’s behalf.”

“Oh, that,” Akabane says, looking like he's trying too hard not to smile, “may I know why?”

Gakuhou almost cracks a grin. He doesn’t and says, “you’re a troublemaker. And way too young.”

“I’m the same age as your son,” Akabane points out, “so I’ll interpret that as  _ we’re  _ too young and ask again in a few years. And Gakushuu is as much of a troublemaker as I am.”

Gakuhou wants to agree because yes, his son is a brat. Brat. But that means he’ll have to agree with Akabane.

“I can’t believe I didn’t expel you,” Gakuhou mutters. Akabane beams at him and skips into his living room, where Gakushuu is on the couch and watching the proceedings with mild amusement. “Hear that, honey? I need my ring back.”

“I already ate it,” Gakushuu says.

“Really?”

“No, that’s too much artificial flavoring and sugar. It’s on my dresser.”

“Hm,” Akabane says. He parkours over the backrest of the couch and barely misses crashing into the coffee table, and then immediately cuddles up to Gakushuu.

Gakuhou rolls his eyes. “Hands,” he says. 

Akabane obediently interlocks his hands above his head. Then turns around and gives Gakushuu a peck on the lips.

Gakuhou rolls his eyes, again. He really does have work to get done, and supervising his son and his boyfriend would only hinder his concentration. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” he says, getting up to head to his office.

“You do realize you have a kid, right?” Gakushuu calls after him. For his own sanity, Gakuhou decides to ignore that.

Dinner with his son’s boyfriend, Gakuhou begrudgingly admits, isn’t  _ that  _ strange of an affair. There’s slightly more conversation than their normal dinners and Akabane isn’t  _ too  _ annoying. Gakuhou is reminded that the boy has a family of high social standing and wealth, he has the knowledge of high-class table etiquette and he clearly knows what all the different forks does.

Back when he had been principal, the Akabane’s were strangely elusive and the two phone conversations he had with the Mrs., she had been rather flippant about Akabane’s behavioural problems or education situation, as long as he still had a seat in the school, and then said something about travelling and not being able to make it for the next parent-teacher conference, none of which they ever went to. Gakuhou has a pretty good idea on what Akabane’s homelife must be like. 

“You know, Akabane,” Gakuhou says, “I do know when you’re trying to play footsie with my son under the dinner table, I’m not blind. And you’re always welcome for dinner.”

“I wasn’t even,” Akabane starts defensively, but then he tilts his head with a inquisitive look on his face as he considers the back part of Gakuhou’s sentence and says, “really?”

“As annoying as both of you are,” Gakuhou sniffs, “I’d rather have you two chaperoned in this house than causing trouble outside.”

Gakushuu is giving him a knowing look. That brat, going around thinking he knows the complex inner workings of Gakuhou’s mind when he doesn’t. Akabane, on the other hand, looks like he’s trying to solve a complex puzzle on whatever the catch is. And then Akabane seems to come to a conclusion, smiles so hard that his eyes almost twinkle, and says, “Thanks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still don't know where this story is going or how I'm going to conclude it? I don't have a PLAN.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hear that Gakuhou finally-accepting-Karma-as-his-future-son-in-law is in demand?

**Slaps my bed and passes out for 12 hours**

Gakuhou prods at the lump under the covers on his son’s bed, three hours past Gakushuu’s normal waking-up time and thirty minutes after his scheduled meeting.

A very low, sad and disgusting noise reminiscent of a dying whale comes from the lump. Gakuhou prods it again.

“Go away,” the lump says, all dramatism, “I’m dead.”

Gakuhou rolls his eyes at the lump and then says into the landline, “sorry, he’s dead.”

“What?!” says Akabane.

There’s a pause, and then Gakushuu’s hand thrusts out from under the covers, fingers waving. Gakuhou drops the phone and the hand darts back into the blankets like a moray eel.  There’s muffled speech for a while, then the moray eel burps the phone back out.

“You look like shit,” Gakuhou tells Gakushuu, who throws the covers off his head and sneezes.

“Really?” Gakushuu gasps, “a lot of people say I look like my dad!” Then sneezes again.

Gakuhou scowls. “Medicine on the counter. Don’t die.”

“I have to carry on the family name, after all,” Gakushuu says miserably.

“Son,” says Gakuhou, “I don’t think we’ve had the birds and the bees talk yet.” And Gakushuu, in response, just sneezes again.

An hour later the doorbell rings, and Husare says, “hello Karma! What are you doing here?” and Gakuhou almost rips his newspaper in two.

“I came to see Gakushuu,” Akabane says, “I brought chicken vegetable soup and- oh hey, pops.”

“Stop that,” Gakuhou says. 

“No,” Akabane beams. “Is Gakushuu in his room? PG-13 only, I promise.”

Gakuhou frowns. “He is.” Akabane takes that as a dismissal and bounds up the stairs, thermos in hand, and Husare sighs about Gakushuu’s taste in boys in a positive manner and Gakuhou thinks the opposite.

He has to make sure they’re both alive, Gakuhou tells himself after two hours and not a single peep is heard from them, and that nothing R-rated is going on. He still surrenders the element of surprise when he knocks but he supposes it’s the least he could do, his son is sick after all, and he opens the door to what could be the most disgustingly domestic scene he has ever seen two sixteen year olds in.

They’re both swaddled in blankets and curled up against each other, Gakushuu’s arms around a pillow and Akabane’s arms around Gakushuu. The thermos is uncapped and mostly empty on the side table, a book is opened to a random page and face-down, and Gakushuu is wearing the softest expression a sick sleeping person could wear.

Gakushuu bookmarks the page and caps the thermos before he closes the door again. Wouldn’t want there to be ants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I'm running out of steam and ideas so updates might slow for a bit. Shoot me some! There's still no determined end-point/plot to this fic and for now it just looks like a series of one-shots revolving around Gakuhou wondering why his son has bad taste in boyfriends yet reluctantly welcoming said boyfriend into the family.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter, namesake of the fic.

**I’ll have him home by 10, Sir**

Gakuhou should really get used to seeing Akabane around and trusting that he won’t make Gakushuu rob a bank with him, or something. It’s just normal parental concerns, really, which father wouldn’t be worried? Karma Akabane,  _ that  _ Karma Akabane, beat up five people and stabbed a man once Karma Akabane? 

Also the same Karma Akabane that tells corny jokes and puts too much whipped cream on waffles and hangs from the staircase banister to spiderman-kiss his son, Gakuhou reasons with himself, the same Karma Akabane who got himself sick taking care of Gakushuu when he was ill and spent an annoying amount of time whining about it while cocooned in Gakushuu's bed as Gakushuu made soup and tried not to laugh at him

Same Karma Akabane who was part of the group of students trained to use weaponry with a deadly accuracy with intent to kill, Gakuhou reminds his traitorous brain. Stop that, brain.

“How many oranges do you think I can stack on my head?” that same Karma Akabane asks.

“Five,” says Gakushuu.

“I’ll do six,” Akabane says with determination. He does four, because he’s laughing too hard to sit straight.

“You’re such an idiot,” Gakushuu says with overwhelming fondness. “So where are you taking me?”

Same Karma Akabane, whom his son has “date-nights” with every two Saturdays. 

“It’s a  _ surprise _ ,” Akabane sings. 

Gakushuu cocks his head, thinks for two seconds, then says, “you’re taking me to catch crayfish in a stream.”

Akabane slams his palms on the table. “How the  _ fuck  _ did you- okay, no, this is your own fault. You ruined your own surprise, you get to suffer.”

“Had a hunch,” Gakushuu shrugs. Akabane swears and aggressively peels the orange, then crams the whole thing into his mouth. Stalks off angrily and up the stairs.

“May or may not have seen him google-ing for best fishing spots,” Gakushuu says mischievously to Gakuhou once Akabane is out of earshot, “seen two recipes bookmarked in the cookbook he has on his kitchen counter, and a new pair of gloves in his backpack.”

“Good,” Gakuhou approves. Once Akabane stops pouting and starts shooing Gakushuu out the door, Gakuhou reassures himself once again that Akabane was not going to attempt to drown his son in a fishing lake.

“Bring him home by 10,” Gakuhou says.

Akabane seems like he’s been waiting for that sentence to leave Gakuhou’s mouth. He’s particularly gleeful suddenly, eyes wide and bouncing on his toes, and Gakuhou feels faintly reminiscent of the time Akabane made three puns in a row and Gakushuu chucked a remote at him. Gakushuu says “no, don’t you dare” and Gakuhou mentally braces himself.

Then Akabane says, “your son calls me Daddy too!”

Gakuhou, woefully underprepared, says “ _ What _ .”

Gakushuu swings around and punches Akabane in the face.

Akabane goes down, giggling the entire time. “Did you see his  _ face _ ?! Holy shit Shuu.”

What were high school kids up to these days?! Was that a kink? He really doesn’t want to think about circumstances in which Gakushuu calls Akabane “Daddy”. No, he does not. Gakushuu hasn’t called him “daddy” since he was five.

But Akabane?  _ Akabane? _

Gakuhou's dead. Gone. He's died. God is laughing at him. Go away, God.

“That was a  _ meme _ , holy shit, Dad,” Gakushuu says, “Karma! I told you not to do that!”

“Priceless,” Akabane wheezes. Gakushuu drops his backpack on his stomach.

Gakuhou says, distressed, “ _ what?! _ ”

“It’s just a meme, where- okay, no, we don’t do that. We don’t.” Gakushuu defends. He turns to Akabane. “You are banned from ever opening your mouth again.”

“Aww babe,” Akabane leers, “if I don’t, how would you ever-”

Gakushuu drops the other bag on top of the first one on top of Akabane’s abdomen.

“It’s a  _ joke _ ,” Gakushuu says to Gakuhou, “don’t think about it.”

“Yeah,” Akabane says, getting to his feet, “Shuu doesn’t have a Daddy kink, I was kidding. Do you want to know the kinks he  _ does  _ have?”

And Gakuhou gets a front-row seat to his son tackling his boyfriend to the ground, and a rather brutal 10 minutes martial-arts match on his carpet, which ends with Akabane pinning Gakushuu to the ground and kissing him breathless.  Rather anticlimatic.

Akabane lets a spluttering Gakushuu go. “I’ll have him home by 10, sir!” He gives Gakuhou a stupid salute and all but hauls Gakushuu kicking and swearing out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not the surest about this chapter :O 
> 
> Haha is it just me? I get unnecessarily happy when i see comments, and people interacting in my comments section. Do we all know each other? Let's be friends! How do we start a group chat


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :|

**It is what it is on this bitch of an earth**

****

Caption this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHA SORRY AGAIN FOR BAD ART I have nothing to write (okay I have tons to write but I'm not writing any of it) (I am) (I'm starting something new and it's going WEIRD)
> 
>  
> 
> Can you believe I made a tumblr just to link this image to this godforsaken website  
> Find me! @gwendeeagain HAHA


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gakushuu's hobby is ruining Gakuhou's life

**Hi welcome to Chilis**

All of them, Gakuhou thinks, are  _ weird _ . He supposed this was partly his fault too, raising his son such that he had such strange tastes for friends. 

On the rare occasion Akabane remembers he has his own house, he disappears and instead the Asano’s living room is commandeered by “The Five Virtuosos”, which is a weird name fitting for a weird group. They pay Gakuhou no mind, or rather Gakushuu pays Gakuhou no mind, and the other four warily watch Gakuhou from the edges of their eyes and fidget and wonder if they’re seated straight enough. 

“Say fuck,” Gakushuu says, pencil pointed at Koyama.

Koyama’s gaze flickers briefly to Gakuhou, and he shakes his head. 

“Say shit,” Gakushuu says, pencil now pointing at Seo. Seo makes eye contact with Gakuhou and keeps his lips sealed.

“Say my middle school principal sucks,” Gakushuu demands. Araki most decidedly doesn’t.

Gakushuu says, “cowards.”

Gakuhou snorts. He decides to take mercy on the group and leave them be. When he comes back down from his office much later, the five are sprawled around in the living room in various stages of relaxation, and Gakuhou hears the tail end of a conversation, that goes “-really cute, though."

Gakushuu rolls his eyes. "I beg to differ."

"You're still allowed to look even if you're attached," Sakakibara points out.

"Attitude like that is why you can't keep a girl," Koyama teases.

"She just isn't  _ that  _ cute to me," Gakushuu is saying, "she's too." He makes aborted hand gestures. "You know."

"Goody-goody?" Araki supplies.

Sakakibara snickers. "Gakushuu's type is bad-boy." 

That's right, Gakuhou thinks miserably. Should-have-been-expelled bad-boy evil prodigy type. "How unfortunate," Gakuhou mutters. 

The four startle. Gakushuu snorts. "You  _ like _ Karma," he says, sounding like a smug know-it-all. Gakuhou re-evaluates his son's childhood and thinks, miserably, this was all his fault and he has no one to blame.

"I do not like that delinquent," Gakuhou says, taking a sip of his tea. "I'll die before he takes my name."

"Karma Asano," Gakushuu says thoughtfully, just to piss him off. 

It works. Gakuhou chokes, and the Virtuosos flail and splutter.

"Since you don't like it," Gakushuu muses, "what about Gakushuu Akabane?"

Sakakibara and Seo are turning into varying shades of blue. Koyama is face-down on the carpet, Araki is face-down on Koyama. Gakuhou recovers first. "I'll disown you," he threatens.

"Then I'll be an Akabane," Gakushuu points out. 

"You'll be his  _ wife _ ," Gakuhou snarls. He watches Gakushuu battle between his pride and his need to drive his father into an early grave, and it seems like the latter wins because his bitch of a child says, "then I'll be the best damn wife ever."

The four friends of his die on the spot. Gakuhou doesn't think he needs the coffee anymore, the thought of his son being Gakushuu  _ Akabane  _ is going to keep him up with nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who do you think will be the wife? Karma or Gakushuu?


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi you guys! I'm back with an update for this fic. I haven't abandoned it, I promise. I've just been shitting my weird writing and ridiculousness elsewhere (if you have been keeping up with my other works you'll know what I mean ;) Here is another chapter! And there should be an accompanying one soon, too.

**Get on top of the refrigerator, get up there**

This is it, this is the winner. Nothing comes close, this is truly the worst day of Gakuhou’s life.

His son comes home crying.

“What?” Gakuhou says, distressed, “ _ What?! _ ” 

“Nothing,” Gakushuu mutters, unconvincingly sadly with splotchy red cheeks and rubbing his eyes with the back of his hands, “go away, leave me alone.” And trudges up the stairs. 

Gakuhou sits down hard on the couch. Someone was going to die.

Gakuhou raps his knuckles on Gakushuu’s room door, hears a soft “go away dad,” and deems it safe to come in. He fully expects and catches the pillow that sails towards his face the moment he opens the door. Gakushuu is quietly sniffling on his bed. 

“Is it Akabane?” Gakuhou demands. That boy was going to be pulled from limb to limb. You know, metaphorically. Literally, maybe.

“Don’t do anything stupid,” Gakushuu mumbles, still sad, “we just had a disagreement.”

“You haven’t cried since you were seven.” Gakuhou says in despair.

“That’s because your parenting sucks and I’m emotionally stunted,” Gakushuu says with no real heat, sniffling, “promise me you won’t go bother Karma.”

Gakuhou scowls. “He made you cry-”

“We just had feelings to air out!” Gakushuu groans, throwing his hands in the air in exasperation and still managing to be an annoying little shit while being all miserable. “Normal couples fight, leave us alone. Promise me you won’t go bother Karma.”

Gakuhou scowls harder. “Gakushuu-”

“Promise!” Gakushuu yells.

“Fine,” Gakuhou snaps. He shuts the door a little harder than necessary and feels a little bad about it, and instantly thinks of Akabane. He's not going to break his promise but he's going to be bitter about it, and he’s thinking of ways to enact his revenge that Gakushuu won't be  _ as  _ mad about, when his phone rings.

Akabane's name on the number he saved and most definitely never contacted, is flashing on the screen. He can already hear his son's annoying voice harping him about it but i t's not  _ him  _ bothering Akabane if Akabane called first.

Gakuhou picks up. "Asano speaking."

"Uh, hi, this is Karma Akabane," says Akabane on the end of the line, "can we talk?" Gakuhou notes with a slightly smug tone that Akabane sounds just as sad as Gakushuu was. Probably a mutual fight then, which meant Akabane didn't break his son's heart and that Gakuhou didn't have to break his legs.

"I know who you are," Gakuhou says, keeping his voice neutral and internally cringing at how weird and kind of _creepy_ that sounded, "what did you want to discuss?" 

"Did Shuu tell you we had a fight?" Akabane lets out a huff, "not really a  _ fight _ fight, just a… heated disagreement. I'm not here to ask you to help me with him, I'm not going to go into the details. I actually called to ask you for advice." 

Gakuhou mentally catalogues that Akabane apparently calls Gakushuu  _ Shuu _ now and shelves it for future reference. "What about?" He prompts.

"Do you think," there's a sigh, "I don't know. Do you think I'll do good?"

Gakuhou hums thoughtfully. Where was this coming from? "In what?"

"Everything," Akabane says, "the future." 

Gakuhou waits one beat, then two, then when the silence stretches into something uncomfortable and Akabane doesn't elaborate he says, "your choice in career as a bureaucrat?"

"You know about that?"

"I do read the career counselling forms you kids filled out," Gakuhou is a little affronted, "do I seem that uncaring of a principal?"

Akabane snorts a huff of a laugh. "A little, yeah."

"You'll do fine," Gakuhou says, easing into his armchair. "I never did expel you, you know, even if it would have been so much less trouble if you weren't there. I saw a lot of potential in you, even as a ruckus-causing headache-inducing delinquent." 

"That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me," Akabane says.

"As for whether or not you can make it as a government official?" Gakuhou thinks, "not the path I had envisioned you looking towards. You'll have to work for it, but I see it going rather well for you if you put in the effort. You remind me of myself."

"Psychology says children tend to be attracted to people whose characters are similar to their parents," Akabane says. 

"I'm going to break my promise to my son and hit you over the head with a bat." 

"I would say you would go to jail but there's way more stuff you need to be arrested for than just that," Akabane counters, evidently in a better mood. There's a slightly awkward pause, then he says, "we were just… talking about the future. Guess we don't agree on most things after all."

Despite the somber atmosphere, Gakuhou is stunned, and with reason. " _ Agree  _ on  _ most things _ ? I've never seen you two agree on  _ anything _ ."

"We agree on fighting over things," Akabane says, "It's… fun. Those aren't  _ real  _ fights."

Gakuhou asked, "do you see a future with my son?"

Akbane takes a sharp inhale. "Honestly… I would… like to, I guess. I'm not… well, it's rather early to say at this juncture and Gakushuu feels the same way. But, it's not… impossible."

Gakuhou thinks he can imagine a blush on Akabane, and a matching one on Gakushuu. Hm.

"Do you think I'm good enough for him?" Akabane asks.

"Your insecurities are astonishing," Gakuhou says, "no. No one is. But I haven't kicked you out yet, so take that as what you think it means."

"Thank you, I suppose," Akabane says, "I'm going to draw a parallel with my lack of expulsion papers. You might want to talk to your son about some things, though, if you think  _ my  _ insecurities are astounding."

Gakuhou does crack a grin at that. "You call him Shuu."

"That's my cue to hang up," Akabane jokes. "But, seriously? Thanks. You kind of suck at this whole motivational talk thing but I kind of get what Gakushuu means now."

"What does he mean?" Gakuhou asks, curious.

"You make him feel better," Akabane says, "talking to you. Even though you're shit at it. One more question?"

Gakuhou puts aside 'find out what the fuck Akabane means' on a post-it. "Shoot."

"Can I call you next time? Just to talk about stuff?" 

Gakuhou hums. "Alright, I suppose."

"Thanks, Pops," Akabane says. 

“Don’t call me that,” Gakuhou instinctively replies.

Akabane lets out a loud laugh over the phone, and then the dial tone sounds. Little shit hung up on him. Well, not like Gakuhou wanted to spend any more time talking to him anyways. Ugh, ew, imagine  _ bonding  _ with Akabane, of all people. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :O


	14. Chapter 14

**This house is a fucking nightmare**

“My life is a sitcom,” Gakuhou laments.

“You’re so dramatic,” Gakushuu says, spreading jam on his toast. It amazes Gakuhou sometimes, to see how much his son has grown up throughout the years. The whole unwanted phone call with Akabane had got him thinking. Maybe his mind had ignored it while the two were in their little puppy-love stage, but apparently now they were “fighting over the future” which means that them having a future was in the realm of possibility which also meant that Akabane being a part of Gakuhou’s future was also a possibility.

Gakuhou really didn’t want to think about it. But it was time to man up and face facts. They’re having real fights now, which means they’re a real couple, which means Akabane might become his real son-in-law, instead of a fictional son-in-law that haunts his nightmares.

“You’re thinking too loud,” Gakushuu says absently, then stuffs bread into his mouth.

“Do you see a future with Akabane?” Gakuhou demands.

Gakushuu startles, swallows his bread, then stabs at his plate with a sulk. “Heavy topic for breakfast,” he mutters.

Gakuhou presses on. “I dreamt about your wedding the other day,” he says.

Gakushuu does a spit-take. “What?!”

“Everything was on fire,” Gakuhou clarifies, “we were in hell. It was a nightmare. There were purple flowers everywhere-”

“You talk about me getting married more than I think about me getting married,” Gakushuu interrupts, “I’m starting to think you actually  _ want  _ me to get hitched to Karma."

Gakuhou chokes, splutters, flails, hears Tamiko and Husare's laughter somewhere in the kitchen, coughs, then stabs a fork accusingly in his bastard son's direction and says, "never insinuate that again."

Gakushuu shrugs like it's not his problem and goes back to staring at his bread. "It's not that I don't," he mumbles, "I do like Karma. It's just, we're 16, we have so much ahead of us, so many possibilities and… I don't  _ want  _ to think about settling down somewhere. I have college to think about, then my career prospects, not to mention I don't even know if I want to start a family-" Gakushuu takes a deep breath, a gulp of juice, then stuffs more bread in his mouth.

"You don't have to think about them now," Gakuhou says. Gakushuu sounded  _ stressed _ .

"That's the problem, I already have," Gakushuu groans, "I'm going to MIT and I have an internship with Sony lined up in a month but I'm going for Google or Microsoft when I get to the States for college, maybe both, and then I'm going for make or break in silicon valley, which is going to work out, of course, if not I'll fall back on moving the ranks up in another company before I-" 

He takes another deep breath then says decisively, "no kids. No off-wait, no, full offense, your whole parenting shtick swore me off having children."

Gakuhou want to feel hurt about that but he's sure he deserved that. Then, "seems like you thought everything out." 

"On the contrary," Gakushuu mutters miserably. "Karma thinks I'm overreacting. What does he know?"

"What does he think?" Gakuhou asks, genuinely curious. Akabane hadn't divulged much.

Gakushuu stares at him intensely, like he's trying to figure out Gakuhou's ulterior motives, if any, then seems satisfied with what he's found and relaxes in his chair. Gakuhou wonders what Gakushuu's deduces from his facial expressions, the boy could read him more accurately than anyone could Gakuhou might actually fe threatened if he wasn't his son.

"He said I look like I have my shit sorted out but I don't have any room for 'life' in there," Gakushuu makes air quotes, "I was mad at him at first, but now I think he's right. Going corporate was my whole deal. It's what I wanted to do but it had been more of a power play than anything because I wanted to be better than a  _ principal  _ in a school," Gakushuu deflates, "and it's me but it's also this preconceived notion I set for myself, and… maybe I don’t want to be… maybe I want to sit in a forest and eat dirt until I die, I don’t know.  I just don't know what I'll do otherwise."

Gakuhou winces. That was probably a by-product of his parenting. Aiming for maximum efficiency and all that. He opens his mouth to say something but Gakushuu abruptly gets out of his seat and says something about being late for school, and leaves.

Tamiko and Husare walk out of the kitchen to cross their arms and shake their heads at him. 

"Yeah yeah, I'm a bad father," Gakuhou grumbles, "I'll talk to him after school."

He doesn't get that chance because after school hours, it seems like Gakushuu and Akabane have made up, and they were currently defiling his couch.

Gakuhou wrinkles his nose at them. "Stop that."

Gakushuu detaches his mouth from Akabane's red neck and glares. "Are you a voyeur!?" 

"Are you an exhibitionist?!" Gakuhou glares back. "Room, idiots."

"Don't barge in, then," Gakushuu snaps. Akabane winks at him and says "bye Pops" on the way up to make out with his son and Gakuhou shudders a little. He doesn't barge in based off pure willpower, and also he's sure Gakushuu is petty enough to keep all displays of affection public just to see his heart rate go through the roof. 

Akabane's wearing one of Gakushuu's sweatpants when they come down for dinner. Gakuhou desperately tries not to think about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Smol bois in luv


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm high

**Everything is fine**

Gakushuu and Akabane are on this white horse, but it’s also a white car. It has “just married” spray painted onto it, and then it’s not a white car anymore, it’s Gakuhou's car. Then a marriage certificate falls from the sky and it says Karma and Gakushuu Akabane-

“Wait,” Tamiko says, “so they were on a… horse car? Like a horse drawn carriage?”

“No,” says Gakuhou, “at first it was a horse, then it became a car.”

“Like just…” Tamiko makes some aborted hand gestures, “any car?”

“Well yes, at first a generic white car, then it became my car.”

“Was the “Just Married” spray paint still on your car, or just the white car?” Husare asks.

“Both cars,” says Gakuhou. “Anyways there was a rainbow-”

“I thought you said there was a sunset,” Jin interrupts.

“Rainbows and sunsets can exist simultaneously in the same plane,” Gakuhou says, “the rainbow was framed pretty nicely, actually, it would have been a great photoshoot opportunity if not for the fact that my vandalized car was in the picture. Then-”

“Is there a house party going on? Why am I not invited?” Gakushuu ambles down the stairs. 

“Your father was just telling us about his nightmare,” Tamiko says, “would you like to join us?”

Gakushuu eyes them suspiciously. “Which one?”

“You haven’t heard it yet,” Gakuhou says, “it’s recent.”

Gakushuu narrows his eyes a fraction, then says, “let’s hear it.”

“It starts off in this house,” Gakuhou recaps, “there are purple tulips everywhere. You’re here, doing whatever you normally do, when Akabane breaks our window open and climbs in, and he has an octopus in his hands. The octopus turns that stupid purple colour, he gives it to you, you throw it into the mass of tuilips in the room and it disappears. The octopus, not the tulips. Then the living room disappears, and now the both of you are in a field of purple tulips, the backdrop is a sunset, and suddenly there’s a white horse. You both get on the horse, then it turns into a car. A white car, that has “just married” spraypainted on it. Then it turns into my car, the spray paint is still on, mind you, which is horrifying. Then a marriage certificate falls from the sky and it says Karma and Gakushuu Akabane. After that more marriage certificates fall from the sky, but they all say the same thing. So it’s raining marriage certificates but partway through it starts to rain flyers for a baby shower-”

“I really don’t like where this is going,” says Gakushuu.

“Shh,” says Husare.

“-and it’s, well, your baby. Yours and Akabane’s baby. I don’t know who got pregnant but by the time we got to the baby shower, the baby was already there and both of you had flat stomachs and the baby is… she was actually really cute, you named her Hakuho, and she had his red hair and your eyes and she looked about a month old, at least. And then suddenly the baby shower was on fire, the walls and streamers started burning up, and then we were in-”

“-hell?” Gakushuu raises an eyebrow.

“Hell, yes. The devil was there, sitting in a giant flaming throne, and at first he looked like the generic western interpretation of a devil with those red horns and spiked tail. Then he looked like Akabane, and  _ then  _ he looked like Hakuho-”

"Like Hakuho as a grown up or as a giant baby?" Jin wonders aloud.

“Okay, wait,” says Gakushuu, “I know your schedule, it’s insane, and frankly I don’t think you sleep long enough to have these dreams-”

“-but then,” says Gakuhou, as Tamiko smacks Gakushuu and tells him to keep quiet, “the Hakuho devil said, my name is Hakuho Akabane but have you met my brother,  _ Gakuhou Akabane _ , and then I woke up.”

There’s a long pause, and then Tamiko starts clapping. Husare and Jin join in with equal levels of enthusiasm, as Gakushuu gapes at him in wordless horror.

“Honestly,” he says, “the only thing I’m getting from this is that you have an unnecessary obsession with those purple tulips, and that you already have me and Karma’s baby names picked out, which,” he wrinkles his nose, “I don’t know how I feel about that.”

Gakuhou stares at him. “Those flowers are the same color as your eyes. Which are the same color as  _ my _ eyes.” 

“You’re right,” Gakushuu nods seriously, “that is a problem. Rest assured that your nightmare wouldn’t come true as last I checked, Karma and I are still incapable of impregnating one another, I would never name my son after you, and I would never drive your car.”

Gakuhou blinks to himself. That was oddly reassuring, in the strangest way. But, “what’s wrong with my car?”

“Nothing,” says Gakushuu, “I just don’t like it.”

Gakuhou is offended. “You never said anything.”

Gakushuu rolls his eyes. “You replace the car every three years, it won’t be a problem in about 4 months.”

Huh. So it seems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is all I write crack these days?


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How did everyone enjoy the last chapter ;)

**Same**

Gakushuu, being that horrible insufferable brat that he is that wishes for the death of his sire, lets that menace of his boyfriend in on what should be the most brutally guarded of all the Asano’s secrets. The source of the disgrace of the Asano name, now paraded on the streets in a mocking effigy of his shame.

“I really see where Gakushuu gets his dramatics from,” Husare says, tactfully sidestepping Gakuhou’s convulsing body on the floor.

By the doorway, Gakushuu pauses mid-makeout, turns his head to assess Gakuhou’s condition with a judgemental air, then turns back and resumes sucking face. 

“Young love,” Tamiko sighs. 

An eternity later, Akabane eventually laughs and says, “I really do have to go. See you at school tomorrow-”

Gakuhou waits for the axe to fall.

“-wifey,” Akabane finishes with an undeniable smugness in his voice, and then promptly resumes the makeout session.

There it is. The cause of Gakuhou’s untimely death. His only son, Akabane's  _wife_. May the Asano bloodline be carried forth by his wretched heir-

“He’s gone now!” Gakushuu yells loudly, digging his toes into the sides of Gakuhou’s ribs as the latter remained face-down on the carpet. “Can you get up? You’re an embarrassment.”

“You’re  _ married _ ,” Gakuhou says.

Gakushuu fumes. “I am most definitely  _ not _ .”

Gakuhou gets to his feet. “You have a ring,” he sighs, clutching a fist to his heart, “you two share the same bed. He calls you his wife!”

“The ring pop was over half a year ago, you need to get over it,” Gakushuu says, “the bed thing is- okay, skip that. He calls me his wife because  _ you wouldn’t stop talking about it! _ ”

That is very true. Gakuhou had spoken, perhaps once or twice, about Gakushuu taking on the Akabane name to his very gleeful future son-in-law and his very horrified son. Perhaps more than twice?

“I’m not having as much fun as both of you are, if it’s any consolation,” Gakushuu sniffs, “he wouldn’t stop calling me that in school. How insufferable.”

Gakuhou almost says that he’s not having the least bit of fun, but then he pauses and thinks about his son’s words. There’s a beat of silence, then two, then Gakuhou says, “are we finally sharing a common goal?”

“Goodnight,” Gakushuu snaps, and storms back up to his room.

But there and then, it was set, even if a word never passed by their lips. The two men in the Asano household fighting for an unspoken, shared cause and they were willing to battle to the death.

“Hey,” Akabane says, “wifey-”

Gakushuu wordlessly kicks him. 

Undeterred, Akabane tries again. “Wifey-”

Gakuhou snatches the little spray bottle that Husare keeps for her herbs on the windowsill, and spritzes Akabane on the face.

Determined, Akabane says, “WIFEY-”

“Stop calling me that!” Gakushuu howls, and pounces. The two crash unceremoniously to the floor and grapple, and Gakuhou rubs his chin consideringly and wonders about the modern day dynamics of couples. Were fistfights a universal form of courtship among teenagers or were they just exclusive to his son and his boyfriend?

Were they getting more physical  _ elsewhere _ , too? Gakuhou blanches.

The fight concludes unspectacularly when Akabane manages to pin Gakushuu to their carpet and kisses him. 

“And a resounding defeat,” Gakuhou narrates.

“I think it’s a win,” Akabane says. He drops down on Gakushuu and rolls them to the side. Gakuhou uses the spray bottle again.

Gakuhou finds himself fruitlessly continuing the battle alone, as his only soldier sways against enemy defenses and finally succumbs to their opponent’s attacks. Gakushuu, hopelessly cuddled by Akabane, resigns to his fate.  “Hey wifey,” Akabane says.

Gakuhou doesn’t look up from his paper.

“Did you get a new shampoo?” 

“That tickles!”

The paper crumples. 

Gakushuu ignores him. “I did,” he says, touching his hair a little self-consciously, “is there something wrong?”

“No,” Akabane says, nestling his head in Gakushuu’s neck. “I like it.” Akabane threads his hand in his hair and grins, and says softly, “you’re really pretty.”

Death of Gakushuu Asano, aged 17, gone before his time and should have gone much earlier, in his mourning father’s unbiased opinion, amen. 

Akabane continues, cruelly uncaring of the corpse that has collapsed limp in his arms. “I know I always call you wifey as a joke, but,” his arms tighten, “sometimes I hope that one day it wouldn’t be one.”

Gakushuu, eloquent as ever, says, “eugh.”

Akabane laughs. Pecks Gakushuu on the lips, then stretches and wanders off to the bathroom.

Gakuhou, still warily clutching the newspaper and an unwilling witness to the events, says, “son?”

“Bleargh!” Gakushuu buries his face in his hands, burning red, and stews on the couch. He stays like that for five minutes, until Akabane returns and gets a pillow to the face. Gakushuu screams “don’t call me wifey again!” and runs off.  Akabane blinks, surprised, at the fading footsteps. He stares down at the pillow in his arms.

“Hey,” Gakuhou says, and Akabane’s attention snaps to him.

“Go get your wife.”

A slow grin spreads on Akabane’s face. “Yes sir!” 

Gakuhou sighs. Akabane disappears, and he picks up his paper again. A crushing defeat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gakushuu: so my dad has an aneurysm whenever he thinks about me being your wife haha lol how funny  
> Karma:  
> Gakushuu:  
> Karma:  
> Gakushuu: wait no  
> Karma: HI WIFE


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! A long-awaited update (sorry, who?) with chaotic dad Gakuhou Asano and his questionable parenting techniques.

**I almost dropped my croissant**

Tamiko says he’s being dramatic. Husare laughs at him. Jin doesn’t laugh but he does a poor job concealing his amusement on the drive to the event area, and Gakuhou disagrees with all of them.

“I’m not overreacting,” Gakuhou says.

“Of course not,” Jin humors. 

It’s one thing to go on a date to a random event with no significance whatsoever, it’s another to go during the most anticipated cultural festival of the year where kids run amok and too many strings go unattached.

“Do you know how many teenagers get knocked up during festivals like this?” Gakuhou hisses.

“I honestly don’t think you have to worry about  _ that _ ,” says Jin.

Gakuhou ignores him. Then wishes he didn’t as he feels hopelessly out of place standing in the middle of a sea of teenagers looking for bright red and strawberry-blonde hair. The crowd jostles and pushes him around and he gets no closer to finding the damn kids to make sure everything stays pg-13, but he would admit it would be incredibly impressive if they found a way to get it on during this hell of an event. He's not sure about Akabane but he's certain his son is no exhibitionist and he doubts there's space for two in a porta-potty.

...on second thought, he's starting to regret giving Gakushuu gymnastics lessons all those years ago.

"P-principal Asano?" he hears a very familiar voice blurt, and he whirls around to look at a very shocked Shiota Nagisa, who immediately claps his hand over his mouth.

"What are you doing here?" Gakuhou demands, even though it would make far more sense for Shiota to be present that he was.

"Uhm," says Nagisa, "I was just around. How have you been?”

“Good,” Gakuhou lies, “how is your venture into a teaching career?”

“How do you know that?” Shiota’s eyes widen.

“I do read the career counselling forms everyone hands up,” Gakuhou says, a little affronted, “do I seem to be that uncaring of a principal?”

To his credit, Shiota doesn’t answer. He’s distracted by something or someone else to his periphery, and Gakuhou spies who seems to be Akari Yukimura, who stops trying to blend into the crowd when Gakuhou spots her and strides up. “Asano,” she greets, then turns to Shiota, “I spotted them by the lake, let’s go.”

Gakuhou says, “you’re here to spy on Akabane.” Then watch as the two come to a realization and say, “ _ you’re  _ here to spy on Akabane.”

“Do you know how many people get pregnant at these things?” Gakuhou defends.

“Not your biggest concern,” Shiota mumbles, the same time Yukimura says, “common goal, wasting time. Let’s  _ go _ .”

So Gakuhou finds himself saddled with two unlikely companions. “You stand out too much,” Yukimura hisses as Shiota panics, and she dumps a ridiculous looking cap over his hair. She’s not too hung up like Shiota was on the fact that he was their former principal but she never took any liberties with boundaries around that anyways. The lake is still crowded but Gakuhou spots them easy, maybe it’s because Akabane has the stupidest and brightest hair of anyone he knows, or maybe it’s because he’s dangling off a rock wall.

Probably the latter.

“Why are you two watching Akabane, anyways?” Gakuhou asks, as Shiota continues to panic.

“Karma said he was going to take the next step in their relationship,” Yukimura explains, “we’re here for two things actually, to make sure that Karma doesn’t kill your son because of his stupidity, and that your son doesn’t kill Karma because of his stupidity.”

Gakuhou makes a face. “What’s the next step?”

“Fuck if I know,” Yukimura says. Back at the lake, Akabane effortlessly abseils down the rock wall. At the bottom, a Gakushuu shaped figure smacks him.

“What are they doing?” Shiota says.

“Nothing.” They watch the little Gakushuu and Akabane move around several stalls, using their bright hair as a marker. There’s nothing of note happening thus far, but the feeling of dread is still in Gakuhou’s stomach. What the hell could the “next step” possibly be?

“But they’re already engaged,” Gakuhou murmurs in horror.

“I don’t think we’re getting much from here,” Yukimura says. “We should get closer.”

“You know, life isn’t an action movie,” Shiota grumbles. Gakuhou awkwardly follows them down and gets swept up by the crowd. He very quickly loses Shiota and Yukimura because they are very small children and were professionally trained in blending into such spaces, and also Gakuhou wasn’t quite focused enough on them to keep track. 

Gakuhou manages to get close enough to Gakushuu and Akabane, in time to hear the tail end of a very horrifying sentence, which goes “-my dad’s going to freak out.”

Oh my god. Gakushuu was right. He was already freaking out. But about what?

“Aw come on, it’s cute,” Akabane is saying, holding something up. Gakuhou squints at it. It’s a bag of four little live goldfish, those that can be caught at those money-wasting festival games.

“Maybe,” Gakuhou hears his son say, “but they’re going to die in a couple of days.”

Akabane gives a mock-scandalized gasp. “Don’t talk about our babies like that,” he says, “look at how adorable they are. They won’t die if we know how to raise them.”

“I suppose,” Gakushuu says. 

Gakuhou watches as they link arms and wander off until they’re out of earshot.

“Aww,” someone says, and Gakuhou turns to see Shiota and Yukimura standing next to him. “That’s kind of cute.”

“I guess,” Gakuhou says begrudgingly. 

“Guess that’s the next step in the relationship,” Shiota muses out loud, “getting a pet, ah, pets together.”

Wait. Oh my god. 

“They’re parents,” Gakuhou says in horror.

Yukimura and Shiota exchange a look. “Uh,” Shiota says, “I don’t think-”

“Technically,” Yukimura interrupts him, “he’s right. They went to a festival and came out with babies.” She gives Gakuhou a faux apologetic look. “Sorry we couldn’t stop a teenage pregnancy from happening. Congratulations on being a grandfather.”

There’s a very long pause between them, as Yukimura and Shiota silently contemplate their friend’s relationship status and Gakuhou wonders if he needs to rewrite his will or review his funeral proceedings, when Shiota says, “but who is Mama?”, Yukimura loses her shit, and Gakuhou thinks there aren’t enough painkillers in the world for this.

He ends up buying the two kids some snacks. And then buys a water plant for his grandchildren on the way home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! It's been a while since I updated this fic but I wanted to bring us a brand new update :P Along with a cool announcement! Karushuu Week 2019 has been announced, you can catch it [here](https://gwendeeagain.tumblr.com/post/188891830199/karushuu-week-2019). It'd be happening from December 25th till the end of the year with a bonus day on January 1st to catch both their birthdays :D I'm so excited!!! Join me!! I love them. 
> 
> Back to our regularly (?) scheduled fic: Gakuhou and the Grandkids

**Baby Daddy**

Gakuhou becomes a grandfather overnight.

All things considered, it’s not a terrible way to die. He has the money and the space for it, and even if he splurges on an expensive casket, there would be enough funds to support his descendants for generations to come. Even if he does think his son is a little too young for fatherhood - he’s still wildly immature, but the same could be said for him the first time he held Gakushuu in his arms. He’d grow, Gakuhou thinks, into a fine man. 

He’d had his fair share of parenting woes and Gakuhou would admit he has many regrets on how he raised his son, but it all led to this day - an unorthodox semblance of a family, with his insufferable brat and obnoxious son-in-law and and their four little children.

He should buy hyacinths. It would really brighten up the place, especially with children around. “Do you like the color blue, Hakuhou?” 

Hakuhou blows a bubble at him. 

“Can you stop talking to the fish? It’s weird,” Gakushuu says, yawning. Parenthood must be keeping him up. Gakuhou remembers many sleepless nights of his own because of the brat, this must be karma.

Ugh. Karma.

He's not going to think about Gakushuu having sleepless nights with Karma. He needs another coffee before he remotely begins processing that information.

“Where’s your baby daddy?” Gakuhou asks. 

Gakushuu chokes on his water mid-gulp, and starts spluttering. “Who taught you that word?!”

“Your baby daddy,” Gakuhou says, watching his son turn contrasting shades of red and blue. “He shook my hand and introduced himself as such.”

“Oh my god,” Gakushuu gasps. He sprints back up the stairs. 

Gakuhou waits a beat, and relaxes as the yelling starts. Hakuhou blows another bubble at him.

“Go wake up your siblings, it’s breakfast,” he tells her. 

Ebony Darkness and Gakuhou-junior poke their twin heads out of a frilly water plant. Where’s Calico?

Akabane emerges from the stairway, carrying Gakushuu bridal-style and trying not to trip. Gakushuu has his face buried in his hands, and his ears are red.

"Calico is missing," Gakuhou says.

"Did you check under the branch?" Akabane says. "I saw him there yesterday."

Gakuhou stares into the crevice between two pieces of driftwood, partially obscured by foliage. Sure enough, Calico's happily poking about, going about his day like a fish does.

Only Akabane could name a fish  _ Calico _ . He supposes it’s better than naming him “Fluffy” - Gakushuu had adamantly put his foot down with a “there is No Way we are calling our fish Fluffy!” and they started another wrestling match on the floor. 

Very briefly, Gakuhou wonders if Gakushuu is a top or bottom.

Then he tries to purge his brain from the mere thought. 

“Hey, babies,” Akabane coos, as the fish swim around doing fish things. He pops the cap for the fish food and sprinkles it over the water.

“I still don’t get why you two insisted on splurging on the food,” Gakushuu grumbles, “you just waste money.”

“It’s  _ premium _ ,” Akabane says, “don’t you want the best for our babies?”

“The ingredients are almost the fucking same!” Gakushuu says.

“Don’t swear in front of the kids,” Akabane says, grinning.

Gakushuu gives him a look. 

“It doesn’t matter, the difference in price was negligible” Gakuhou points out. “The premium is supposed to have enhanced flavor.”

“They’re  _ fish _ , what does flavor have to- okay, and the price is nowhere near  _ negligible _ . It’s a difference of 15 whole dollars!”

Gakuhou squints at him. “Yes, and?” 

Gakushuu throws his hands up in exasperation. “Do finances mean nothing to you?”

“You’re rich, babe,” Akabane says. “We all are. 15 dollars is just-”

“A lot of money to be spending on nothing! What is wrong with both of you?” 

Gakuhou watches Akabane tackle his son to the ground. It’s a miracle that neither of them have broken bones yet. He prides himself in teaching Gakushuu how to break a fall safely.

Gakuhou lifts his foot up, narrowly avoiding Gakushuu’s leg as he lashes out. They bump the table, and the tank wobbles a bit.

“Don’t bring the kids into the fight,” Gakuhou calls.

Calico and Gakuhou-junior swim circles around the branch. Hakuhou pokes her head out from under the plastic bridge, and Ebony Darkness swims straight into a plant.

Can goldfish do tricks? Gakuhou should experiment with that.

Gakushuu appears from under the table, face flushed and hair messy. “Can you pass me some toast?”

Gakuhou looks at him. “Get it yourself.”

Gakushuu groans. He picks up a pair of chopsticks, and uses them to pick up a fork which he maneuvers to stab a piece of toast on the plate in the center of the table, and drag it all the way across the tablecloth towards him. He picks it up with two fingers, then dangles it above the table. Who Gakuhou can only assume to be Akabane reaches a hand out, grabs the toast, and slides it back under.

Gakuhou looks on, unimpressed.

“Can you push the plate closer?” Gakushuu says. 

Gakuhou stares, unblinking, and moves the plate an inch further from him.

“Ugh,” Gakushuu says. He uses the fork at the end of his chopstick-fork contraption to pick up another fork by trapping the handle within the prongs of the first, drags another piece of toast yet again towards him until he can reach for it, bites the edge of it with his mouth like an anime protagonist, glares at Gakuhou, and disappears under the table.

Gakuhou turns his attention back to the fish. “Do you like toast, Ebony?” He asks.

Ebony Darkness blows a bubble at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!! I miss this fic but I have writers block about it HAHA let me know if you have suggestions!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again! You made it to the end (so far), how was it? I'd love to hear what you have for me.  
> Also, if you're confused about the OCs I've mentioned, please read the front notes of the first chapter!


End file.
